


They Don't Stop Coming

by CelesteFitzgerald



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-17 01:29:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14177625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteFitzgerald/pseuds/CelesteFitzgerald
Summary: Heinz's monologues always seem to include several strange tangents, but he has outdone himself this time.





	They Don't Stop Coming

Nearly done with his Inator, Heinz took a step back to admire his work. Everything was coming along according to plan. Just a few final tweaks and everything would be ready in time for Perry to come defeat him—er, for Heinz to take over the Tri-State Area. Because Heinz is _totally_ planning on winning.

Exactly on time, Perry burst into his apartment and walked straight into the rope trap Heinz had set for him. Heinz couldn’t help but feel a bit underwhelmed.

“Very original,” Heinz scoffed. “You’ve used that entrance already, Perry the Platypus. It’s way too _boring_ now.”

Evidently Perry disagreed, since he merely rolled his eyes.

“Really?” Heinz frowned and started muttering to himself. “Man, you’re a guy’s nemesis for this long, and all he can do is use the same tricks every day and roll his stupid eyes at you.”

Getting back on track, Heinz took a step toward his Inator. “It’s a good thing _I_ have more creativity. I think you’ll enjoy this particular Inator. But first, I have to tell you the story behind it.”

 _Of course._ Heinz could practically hear the words just by looking at Perry’s glare.

“Now, many years ago in Gimmelshtump, someone—I, um, can’t quite remember who— _anyway,_ they told me something truly _terrible_ : that the world was going to roll me. What does that even _mean_? Like roll down a hill? A bread roll? Whatever, maybe I just don’t get it because I’ve never been the sharpest.”

Now Perry frowned at him. He never did seem to like it when Heinz talked down about himself.

Again, Heinz tried to focus his thoughts. “She looked really dumb when she said it, too. She kept doing this weird thing with her hand.” Heinz stuck out his thumb and index finger for effect. “And she kept touching her forehead, like this. It was very strange, I hope she wasn’t sick or something.”

Glancing over at Perry, Heinz tried not to smile at the look of utter confusion on his face. _Keep it together_ , he told himself.

“I didn’t really think much of the situation at first, because, you know, it wasn’t really that bad, comparatively. But once the years start coming, they never really _stop_ , so you just have to _run_ to keep up with everything. It’s not a very fun way to live, to be honest, so I kept thinking, what’s the _point_? It just didn’t make sense. Even with all my evil scientist knowledge now, I still feel so _dumb_ thinking about all this.” He dropped his face into his hands and sighed. “I’ve gone off topic again, haven’t I?” But the lost look on Perry’s face proved that he didn’t honestly have much of a topic to begin with. “Oh well, I guess I still have so much to do, so much to see—”

Very rapidly, Perry’s confused stare switched to recognition, anger, and straight-up disappointment.

Even though Perry seemed to have caught on, Heinz powered through. “—But hey, is there something wrong with taking the back streets? It’s not like you’ll know if you never even bother to _go_ , and—” Heinz was forced to stop his monologue as Perry broke free from his trap and knocked him to the floor.

“You interrupted me! I wasn’t done yet. You don’t even know what my Inator _does_ yet.”

 _Oh boy_ , Perry did not look happy. Heinz knew he was trying _not_ to think about how the Inator related to this horrific monologue, if it even counted as a monologue. Perry ran over to the Inator, most likely searching for a self-destruct button.

“Under the panel on the right,” Heinz said. Perry glared at him, and Heinz innocently smiled back. “If you’re not going to do it, then _I_ will,” he said as he stood up to walk toward the Inator.

Underneath the panel was a glittering gold button, just like Heinz had said. He raised his eyebrows at Perry, waiting. “Well?”

Perry sighed, and pushed the button. The machine exploded, but not before the button flew upward and hit Perry right in his bill. He stumbled backward and clutched his face in pain. “Oops,” Heinz said while smiling a little bit too much. “I didn’t know my All-Star-Inator would _smash_ your _mouth_.” …He had never seen Perry so angry.  

**Author's Note:**

> Teehee. This is complete garbage that I wrote very quickly, but hopefully it made you laugh at least a little. I love me some good meme songs (btw, credits to this [brilliant masterpiece](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_jWHffIx5E)). 
> 
> Also, happy April Fools Day! ;)


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